Trying to get ahold of my intuition

The more I meditate, the more I wake up my intuition, and I see where I am blocked and what is going on easier. Sometimes I get distracted and do not meditate, and it gets all jammed up. 

My problem, like many other people, is that I have a hard time staying in my body. I get overwhelmed, and in order to protect myself, I leave my body. I got really good at living my daily life not really present. Many people have. But I am very sensitive. My nervous system is on high alert.

Is part of it PTSD? Who knows?

I have been in so much pain for days, that I had some crazy virus that is spreading through the house making everyone in pain, and I did not even know it. I was sick. I was. I wondered if it was a virus, but I figured it was my pain from all the things in my life manifest into some wild fibromialgia spurt. 

I meditated in my bed with my whole body in massive pain for days....and I went to work.

I did leave early the one day and went home and cried for hours.

I know my spirit guides help me. 

I am on a level where it would be helpful to have more of a relationship with them.

I just need to learn to...set boundaries?

Maybe the kiss is a metaphor. Maybe they are trying to tell me something. 

The concept of abraxas like combining the masculine and feminine into an ultimate energy comes to mind.

Maybe I need to get better at marrying my masculine and feminine side into one whole being.

I spose maybe I am just realizing another aspect of my shadow.

Maybe I should ask my guides why they always wanna kiss and touch me.
 

I went to Chuck E. Cheese

 There was no stage. It was just a kid casino. So I painted the stage from memory.

Brave

 I can be brave. I can be myself in front of people.
Why should I be afraid for people to see me?

This paper is all crinkly but I finally painted the leaves. I did at least once.

Every time I would drive to my temporary home in the country, it was so beautiful.

It was a tough story about why I left.

Every time I go to type or write something, I draw a blank

I have a block like it isn't safe.

I need to start somewhere. 

I like being able to go into the HTML and fix it if I don't like the formatting.

I can do that.

I would like to do stand up.

I wont be able to remember anything but I don't think that would be necessary.

I could just ask someone in the crowd a question and go off that.

My brain works by association and once Im writing, I am thinking about writing and maybe need to connect that back to whatever it is I want to write about.

My feelings feel bad. To the point where it physical.

If hogwarts existed, it would have meditation class.

It would be the most important one.

Trying to erase mindfulness from magic scares me.